Tybalt Rap

WHAT HO Y’ALL!!

SHOUT-OUT TO MY KIN IN THE BALCONY!!

Yo my name is Tybalt, the prince of cats,

              And I’m here to tell y’all where I’m at,

In regards to a story of tragedy and woe,

              About a couple of youths named Juliet and Romeo.

              Okay

Two families un-alike in dignity, in fair Verona, to set the scene,

              One, the Capulets classy, refined – two, the Montagues, crude, obscene.

The former, my crew, the Capulet clan

              Hath on many an occasion ta’en a stand

Against each villainous, beef-witted Montague clod,

              Sendin’ more of those dogs each day to God.

Now my aunt and uncle, lord and lady Capulet,

              Threw for the city a wealthy benefit,

A party if you will everyone drank and ate,

              And this party did the Montagues infiltrate.

One among this low-brow invasion crew,

              Was none other than Romeo Montague.

A weak-minded flirt, a whiny churl,

              Every week had his mind on a different girl. Anyway

             

He spotted my cousin Juliet, and began to swoon

              So he made his way to her from across the room.

They flirted, laughed, and then they kissed.

              Then Juliet had to go, so Romeo she dismissed.

But he came back around to her balcony door,

              Crooned and swooned and promised all the more,

That he loved her, so she returned his sentiment,

              And swore true love to that knavish sycophant.

When I found out, I wanted to kill that tool,

              So I challenged that Romeo punk to a duel,

A rapier-bout between that wimp and me,

              Was sure to turn out favorably.

What I hadn’t figured in was his pal Mercutio,

              A kinsmen to the king, not just some Joe shmoe.

When I challenged the Montague he stepped in

              asking for one of my nine lives with a grin.

He attacked, I engaged, I  parried his best,

              Then by accident I stabbed him in the chest.

He chuckled, exclaimed, “‘Tis not but a scratch”

              But death was on his way, I had un-done the latch

On the doorway that was Mercutio’s life,

              So accordingly I caused Romeo some strife.

He drew his sword and seething  said,

              That either his soul or mine was gonna join the dead,

And with that he thrust his ringing blade,

                And stabbed me, a hit, I could not evade.

So on and so forth, oh woe is me.

              But at least I lived life with honor see.

That Romeo git, that pile of pitch             

              will in the end see that payback’s a witch.

I’m not sure yet what demise he’ll meet

              but it sure as hell won’t be short and sweet.

Romeo, so proud, so kind, so brave.

              Is gonna get an ass-whooping from beyond the grave.